Desiring to be known

Moving is tough.  Just in case you missed it, let me repeat, MOVING IS TOUGH!  If there is anything this last year has taught me, that would have to be it.  I went from doing daily life with people that I knew well to doing daily life with people I didn't know at all, and who didn't know me.  I secretly thought to myself that maybe this was my opportunity to decide who I wanted to be and what I wanted people to know about me and so that is what I sought out to do.  I went into moving with the expectation that friends would come easily because, I mean, why WOULDN'T anyone want to be my friend.  I was going to be that bubbly, perky person that I have been my whole life but this time it would be different. I wouldn't reveal any issues, any weaknesses, any problems, or anything like that. Isn't that what people want: the fun friend? That was going to be me. I had figured out that the world we lived in was an extroverted world that valued introverted individuals and that is what I aimed to be. You may ask yourself, "What does she mean extroverted world, introverted individual?" What I mean is we want people to be the life of the party, to have this awesome outgoing personality but to basically keep their problems to themselves. Extroverted in that we can be friends with anyone. Introverted in that our "real" selves are kept hidden. Isn't this Facebook? Instagram? Twitter? We want to have a ton of friends or followers and present this life to them like we have no problems. Extroverted world, introverted individual.

So, what happened? Insecurity happened. Every. Single. Insecurity I have ever had came creeping up to the surface. By not being myself, warts and all, my "issues" didn't magically disappear. In fact, it is almost as if they multiplied. I was led to believe that people desire to know others who are bubbly and perky and have no problems. But the truth is, it is in the vulnerability of revealing our "issues" that true friendships are made.

But I was then presented with a new problem: in my new place, I didn't really have any friends. I mean, I have friends that don't live here. But as far as the people that do the day-to-day with me, I didn't have any. So, how could I have true friendships with friends I didn't have? I struggled with this....for a long time. I had started talking to people and had started hanging out, but I was always feeling the need to explain myself because no one really knew me yet. (I do have those now that are beginning to really know me but it has taken a while) I know that making friends and building true friends takes time but what should I do in the meantime? For someone with my personality, the lack of friends has been hard. It has truly been one of the most difficult aspects about moving for me.

I would constantly go back to what I knew: the Word of God. He has sustained me through this time and it has been awesome!! He has reminded me of His truths. He has been my friend. He will always be my friend.

A few weeks ago we started the bible study "What Love Is" by Kelly Minter.  This is such a good study!! There is one verse that has been so challenging for me, 1 John 1:7 "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin." Awesome, awesome verse!! But I struggled. I wasn't having that true fellowship. What was I doing wrong? And then it was like God gently nudged me and said "Trust Me." I was trying to do things in my own strength. I was trying so hard to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be that I was totally getting worn out. How could I keep on like this? I was exhausted!! So the other day I decided, I am me. I need to immerse myself in the Word, I need to take advantage of opportunities He gives me to open up and be vulnerable or, more importantly, to truly know others. I need to listen to His nudging when He tells me to step out in faith and befriend someone. I need to be totally dependent on Him. But I need to be me and I need to know my limits.

The truth is that we all desire to be known. The truth is that we are all scared to show how messed up we are. The truth is, we are all in need of a Savior. If I had no weaknesses, if I had no struggles, if I was perfect, I would not need a Savior. But I am none of these things. I am in desperate need of a Savior. And so here is the irony, by admitting our insecurities, our failures, our shortcomings, we show our need for a Savior. So, in our quest to be known by others, in our quest to find true fellowship, let us acknowledge our "issues" in order to focus on an awesome Savior.