Struggling with the "Why Me?"

This morning something happened that doesn't happen all that much.  I was sitting in the living room looking over the day and one of my daughters wakes up and comes and sits on my lap for about 15 minutes.  We talked about a couple of things but she mainly just wanted to sit there and snuggle. I thought to myself, "Isn't this what we all want sometimes? To just crawl up into our parents' lap and snuggle and rest?" I don't know about you but that is how I feel sometimes. It could be because I am weary and worn out; it could be because the world has been cruel to me or my family; it could be that it has been a tough parenting day; or it could be any number of other reasons that I just want to crawl up in my parent's lap and either cry, melt, rest, or even sleep. I want to feel the arms around me. I want to feel the comfort and protection that comes from being in my parent's lap.

I didn't get much of this growing up and so it has really only been since I have had children of my own that this picture has truly resonated with me. And the funny thing is that as comforted as my kids are in my lap, it is nothing compared to when they sit in their daddy's lap. His lap offers protection and comfort and I watch my children melt when they sit in his lap. 

This is the picture I get of my Heavenly Father. I love when I can just crawl into His lap for whatever reason and I get the comfort that only He can give. But I haven't always done this. For a long time, I never really melted into His lap, instead I tried to deny that I even needed it. I thought I was strong enough to not need His lap. I also had a hard time just relaxing and instead felt the need to always "show off" for my Heavenly Father. I wanted Him to see how strong I was, how "good" I was, how "put together" I was. But after years of trying to do things in my own strength, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I crawled up into His lap. I rested. I cried. I was comforted. I told Him about everything. I then started asking "why me?"

Why me, God? These past couple of months I have had several friends who have had major events happen in their lives. I would imagine that some have gotten to the point of the "why me?" I don't know the answer to this question. But I do know this. It is okay to ask. We don't understand everything now. We don't see what God sees. It is hard to trust and yet not understand. I still get into the "why me" stage. When I have had a particularly tough parenting day, the "why me" will hit. (why did I not have a strong parenting example?) When insecurities take hold, the "why me" will hit. (why do I not think like everyone else) When I hear others talking about the awesome families they grew up in, the "why me" will hit. (Why did I go through what I went through? Where was my "normal" family?) 

And so I crawl up into my Father's lap and He reminds me not only of who I am but to whom I belong. He shows me Jesus and reminds me of how much He loves me.

In the proper time, however long that is for each individual, we do have to move past the "why me." And sometimes we need help, whether through a few close friends or maybe through a professional counselor, and that is okay. We need those friends who will always point us back to Christ, but yet will allow us to go through our emotions. We need friends who will not put us on a timetable and yet will sit with us through the hard times. We need friends who will go through the "why me" when others think that we should "be over" something. We need friends who will remind us that Jesus has overcome the world. We need to be able to tell others that we don't understand, that we can't make sense of it, and that sometimes it just makes us angry. 

But sometimes, we need the lap of our Heavenly Father. We need to climb into that lap and cry, rest, talk, listen, and sometimes even sleep.